dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
