ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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