if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
