please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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