i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
