Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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