remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
