Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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