She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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