i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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