dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
