Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize