I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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