I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
