all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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