Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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