Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
