Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
