The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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