I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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