He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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