yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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