I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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