Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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