Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
