you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
