Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
