I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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