Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
