I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
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Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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