you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
