The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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