Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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