If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wish my penis had a tongue
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
