I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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