He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
