You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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