First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
