The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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