im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
