Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Pants are for mortals
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