and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
