You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize