a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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