READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think your dad took our porno
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
