why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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