We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
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By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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