6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You pole danced in your parka.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
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