well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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