I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
