dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
