and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
