I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
