I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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