No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
