apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
