addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
