I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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