i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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