dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
