nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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