I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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