just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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