By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
