you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize