We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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