if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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