i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
