That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
