When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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