stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
