I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
