I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
